I can't believe this journey is almost done! I wanted to document the process. It seems so far away but just like yesterday that I found out I was pregnant. Andy took a picture of me at each month. I have put together family journals/picture books and I am using my blog to document everything so this is long because it is part of our family journal :)
Here I am starting at just one month, right when I found out I was pregnant! I seriously thought I was showing here at 4 weeks, I was so proud to be pregnant!
I can't believe I'm at the final stretch. I'm finally 9 months! I have just 3 weeks left (or less) until this little man's debut. Pregnancy is fascinating to me. I feel so many different emotions. I feel on cloud 9 and so excited that I'm pregnant and actually growing a little tiny human in me! And then I feel scared out of my wits because I worry the entire pregnancy about the baby and how he is doing. I was so worried about miscarrying that it sometimes took the joy out of being pregnant. We wanted this baby so badly and had to go through a lot of things medically to get him here. When I found out I was pregnant I was beyond excited but beyond scared too. This pregnancy has been COMPLETELY opposite of when I was pregnant with Carter. With Carter I barely had any nausea. If I felt nauseous I ate a cracker and felt better. But with this little guy I have been sick the whole pregnancy. Thank goodness for nausea medications, I couldn't live without them! Even at 9 months I am still on the highest dose I can be on and still get really sick. I remember in the very beginning of being pregnant, I would pray that I would feel pregnancy symptoms. I felt like if I felt sick it would mean I wouldn't lose the baby and that he would somehow be healthier...weird, I know. I just wanted to make sure that this baby would make it! Well, I definitely got that prayer answered ...sick all the way up until the end! But I've told Andy this whole time, I'll do whatever it takes to get this baby here! I am SO looking forward to meeting this little boy. I day dream about him all the time. I just can't image what it will be like to have another one and I still can't believe it's actually happening. For so long it seemed like it never would.
Now that the end is in sight, the count down is on! I can't remember what it feels like to be able to bend down, I can't tie my shoes. I have zero energy, I am literally up every hour of the night...either because baby is moving, acid reflux, nausea, contractions or I have to pee. :) Also, let's just say I've put on a little more weight than they recommend. With being sick, the thing that takes away my nausea is eating. As much as I absolutely love being pregnant and feeling life within me, I have been guilty of having had a few days where I cry because I feel so huge and have nothing that fits. I currently live in sweat pants, own zero pants that fit and have about 3 or 4 shirts that fit. Andy has been amazing, always telling me I look great and he loves seeing me pregnant. I have learned a huge lesson...On the days where I break down because I don't recognize myself and I've put on more weight than necessary, I have immediately felt guilty for expressing it. I wanted this baby so badly and would stop at nothing to get pregnant. I spent a long time researching and taking pills and being sick to get pregnant. And now I am! So on the days that I get down about myself, I remember all of the heart ache we went through to get this little guy on the way. Instead of letting myself think, "Holy cow, I feel like a cow," I am learning to turn my thoughts to, "Isn't it amazing that my body is creating life. Isn't it amazing that I am healthy to carry this baby and have him grow." It is amazing! The most amazing thing I've ever experienced in fact! And even though I have gotten some lovely "marks" that show I've been pregnant, even though I may be bigger than I'd hoped, and don't have a cute wardrobe to wear...out of all of this I will have a baby...and that is worth every ache and pain I've felt, every hour of sleep lost, every pound I've put on and every bit of nausea and sickness I've been through.
I have loved seeing Andy grow through this whole process. I can tell he is nervous to be a Dad. I know he feels like he won't know what to do. But I know he will be amazing! Andy is my rock and the greatest person I know. I have seen him look at my belly in amazement and I have seen him listen to the baby's heart beat in amazement. He has said to me several times, "I wish I knew the baby like you know him already." That melts my heart. I know that seeing him hold the baby for the first time will make me fall even more head over heals in love with him, even more than I thought I could. Carter is beyond excited. He loves to look at the baby's things in the nursery and he loves to tell me that he can't wait until he's here. I am trying really hard to soak up these last 3 weeks. As much as I am excited to meet this bundle of joy and have him safely in my arms, I don't know how long it will take me to get another one here on this earth, or if we'll even be blessed with the gift of another. So when I am the only one up in the middle of the night, feeling nauseous, sick or having contractions, I have been taking those quiet moments and soaking them up....feeling each and every kick to my ribs and trying to memorize his movements and the little personality that I've already come to know. I love him, I would do anything for him and I haven't even met him yet. I can't wait until the delivery date is here. I tear up just thinking about it. But I know that I will also miss what it feels like to have this precious baby growing inside of me. I found this poem and fell in love with it.
"I am not alone"
Running errands and talking on the phone
I am pleasantly reminded that I am not alone.
Little tiny hands, a precious rounded knee
pushing and twisting that no one can see.
Oh sweet child kicking up your heels,
it is our little secret that only I can feel.
I look forward to your birth,
when I can kiss your skin,
but for now I will just smile,
as I feel you play within - author unknown
What a crazy and wonderful journey these last 9 months have been. I feel so blessed and can't wait to have him safely in my arms. I love you baby Luke!
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